The Sweet Spot of Marriage
The other morning I was finishing my workout in our basement and the hubs was just starting his work day, and I asked him if: “is this what you envisioned as we are coming upon 8 years of marriage?” I was foam rolling in our dual purpose room (at home office/workout room) and he was already plugging away on his computer. He chuckled and said “definitely.” And then I mentioned we survived the 7 year itch and he looked at me and said, “What is that?” “Is that a thing?”
Truth be told, I was totally joking, but the fact that he had never heard of the 7 year itch was not that surprising to me. Actually I don’t even feel like we “survived” our 7th year of marriage as much as we have “thrived” this year. And I feel really lucky to be able to say that. Many marriages, I’m sure, took a toll considering the pandemic and all the added stress that brought many families and relationships. It definitely heightened issues and with all the time spent at home there was very little time to distract people from dealing with those issues. That’s tough, and Andy and I certainly weren’t excluded from those things, but somehow we’ve come out on the other side of this year more solid than we were 365 days ago!
This past year has brought the highest of highs and the absolute lowest of lows since we have been married and never one time was I not thankful to have Andy by my side. We bought a new house last year in a pipe dream neighborhood, and it felt like our hard work had really paid off. When we moved in, I had this amazing feeling of pride and was so incredibly grateful to be married to such a hard worker/saver. We navigated the pandemic together and tried to create a thriving environment for our two young kids. Did we do it well? I don’t know, time will tell I guess. But I do know we’ve tried our hardest. Our lowest of lows was in December when my Dad unexpectedly passed away. I’ve never dealt with something like that, and I’ve relied heavily on Andy to support me through the grief process, and he unexpectedly has been up for the challenge. For that I’m incredibly grateful! And then there have been many day to day moments that have made us laugh, made us frustrated, made us be vulnerable, made us cry, and made us realize how incredibly lucky we are! For those moments, I’m grateful as well.
With all that said, I really do think it takes time and a lot of work to get to a “sweet spot” in a marriage. I remember Michele Obama saying in her book that the first 10 years of she and Barack’s marriage were tough and the rest has been great. I think what she meant by that is when you combine lives and add lives (kids) and careers and everything else, marriage gets messy and hard, but the investment in your marriage is worth it. Andy and I have certainly felt that, and although we’ve only been married 8 years, I feel like we are nearing a really sweet spot in our marriage. A spot where we know each others expectations, a spot where we are on the same page regarding goals for our family, a spot where we’ve learned (or continue to learn ;) ) how to effectively communicate with one another, and a spot where we make each other our number 1 priority! It has not always been that way, and we’ve worked extremely hard for us to get to this point and I know we have more work to do, but as we celebrate our anniversary I couldn’t be prouder of how far we’ve come and I look forward to where our journey takes us. I also can’t help but remember the one helluva party we thew 8 years ago…..one for the ages! :)
Happy anniversary AK - I love you and all that we choose to surround us!
AFK
