The Essence of Time!
Time. Everyone wants more of it, or for it to last longer, or sometimes to go faster. Time can be referred to as a thief when speaking of watching children grown. And time can also be what we so desperately want more of when unfortunate things happen. Time can be a gift and some can view time as a curse. Many days time feels like it’s fleeting and in some circumstances, people wish they could go back in time for a re-do or to relive something wonderful and memorable or to handle something differently. Time can be hard to come to grips with and time is advised to be cherished. My view on time is all these things and has been heavy on my heart this Spring especially.
I always want more time. I say it often and typically in a frustrated tone. “Andy (the Hubs), if I had more TIME, I could get x, y or z accomplished!” Or my favorite, “If there were just more hours in the day, my to-do list would be smaller!” As if there haven’t always been 24 hours to every day I’ve been alive! Ha. Anyhow, I value time. Time is money. Time together creates unforgettable memories. Time to spend on my business makes me happy. Time with my kids is so important to me. Time alone with Andy is necessary - we are raising these kids to leave after all. Honestly there are very few days I feel like I have enough time. I’m never sure if I’m someone that thrives on checking things off a list, if I’m someone that will always “want more” (whatever more is), or if I would really be that much more productive with extra time. Who the heck knows. But my current wish is that a time fairy would bless me with a few more uninterrupted hours in the day to really crank some stuff out.
Time with my kids feels fleeting, which is another reason I want more time. I know they’re little and yes I complain about early mornings and all the chaos surrounding drop off and pickup, but gosh darn it they are the best thing that has ever happened to me. They’ve taught me more than way too much (and too expensive) education and I genuinely enjoy hanging out with them. We’ve entered the fun years - little enough to want to hang with us, old enough to do stuff, but not old enough to be completely independent with their friends. I feel like the race is on to do the things, take the trips and make the memories. I often ask myself if I should work less (yes, DUH!!! :)) and hang with them more or are they better off with someone else that is paid to entertain them. Haha. And when they go to bed at night, I typically lay down and think did they get enough of my time? Could I have allocated my time differently? And it’s the same silly cycle in my head, “if only I had more time!”
I also mourn time. Lately I’ve really mourned time. With the unexpected loss of my Dad in December 2020, time passing has been such a strange concept. If you would have asked me in November 2020, what life looked like without my Dad (or any of my loved ones for that matter), I would have said, “I never want to know!” Unfortunately for me, that reality came all too quick. Every holiday that passes, or day of remembrance (ie. his birthday, Father’s Day), or even some of his favorite days of the year, I tend to mourn time. How could time move on so quickly? How can we as people move on so quickly? So much and so little time has passed since he died, that I often wonder does anyone else miss him? Do they think of him as often as I do? Grief man, it’s lonely and hard and weird and I hear it just takes time. ;)
I look forward to time as well. I get excited about time together with my family. I love the time I get to watch my kids’ activities. I love the time we prioritize to travel or do things as a family. I enjoy one on one time with each of my kids. I look forward to the times my Mom visits - she’s one of my faves to hang with. I crave time with my girlfriends. I’ve invested in some new relationships this year and have enjoyed that time as well. Time I spend making cookie dough is some of my favorite time of the week. There are so many things to juggle, so you may as well make time for things you enjoy.
Time is certainly complicated. Whether there’s too little, too much, or just the right amount, the balance of time is so hard. That struggle is real. I hope you all feel grounded in your expenditure of time and who you spend your time with. Turns out, we will never get any “time” back, so make the most of it kids!
xo.
AFK
